Veiling Truth in Mystery

Old friend.

2010-01-01T15:35:00.004-05:00

I'm not going back to blogging, at least I hope not. But this is, after all, a new year; which calls for new'ness in all regards. After a perusal of last year's resolutions in this blog and realizing that I accomplished all but two, it just seemed like a good idea. May good luck be on my side, once again.
Well, I guess, here's to 2010.
#1 goal - Living for me.
I've spent my entire life living for everyone else. The past two years have been leaps forward in changing that, but 2010 marks my graduation from fashion school and fashion life- the last remnant of my past life.
#2 - a repeat from last year, Write more letters.
I've certainly written more personal emails and cards this year, but I need to get my letter game going so that one day, like most of my favorites, I, too, can publish my "letters to important friends, x y and z." "Emails to famous friends" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
#3 - Write more, in general.
I write more than most "writers," this past year probably around 60 stories, but there's never enough time. The worst thing about being a "writer" is the writing part, itself. Less thinking about plots, more making them come to life.
#4 - Out with the people that do nothing to better my life.
This is always a resolution, and, probably, always will be. I did this really well last year, but, again, I'm letting people in that probably shouldn't be there. If you stress me out more than you make me smile, game over.
#5 - Finish first draft of my new novel.
Just a first draft
#6 - If I don't attend grad school, live in another country for at least 6 months
This shouldn't even be a resolution because I look forward to it so much.
#7 - While in aforementioned other country, get a random job
I want out of all comfort zones. Pizza delivery, bartender? May as well live as wildly and strangely as possible while you still can .
#8 - Less technology.
The iPhone is destroying any and all social skills I ever had.
#9 Be kinder to myself and more patient with others.
There is no one that I treat worse than me. Sure, I often spoil myself. I indulge in good food, good shopping, good vices, good times. But if anything goes wrong, if I disappoint in any way, self punishment will ensue ad infinitum. I need to relax and remind myself that this is my first shot at life, mistakes will be made, and there's nothing I can do about it. The same goes for others, and I shouldn't be as quick to write those people off.
#10 Live, to every extremity
Moderation is never key, at least not for me. The truth is, the more extreme everything is- the utmost sadness, fear, anxiety, lust, passion, fatigue- The more grateful I feel for the experience and the most alive, I suppose, that I ever feel in general.

Resolutions set. More mental, less tangible, this time around.
Lets see how this goes.
Health, happiness, light and rage to all this new year,
TK.

all happy families

2009-03-30T17:03:00.003-04:00

Hello, all.

I just saw via la youtube that Mr. Jay Brannan has released an official music video for one of his songs (bottom video). My friend Michaela and I had a fun night out with Jay Brannan about two years back and always hoped he would make it big. He's an awesome guy and a fantastic musician, so check him out! His songs will be stuck in your head for hours to follow.

L&L

facts are bigger in the dark

2009-02-26T14:54:00.002-05:00

Many of you know that my laptop has been broken now for... well, almost 2 months?

My Macbook is my baby and although it pained me not to get it fixed immediately, it has actually been really refreshing not using it for every task I ever do. Thus, I decided to take on a goal of going some time without my beloved slab of silver metal/BFF. The results have been good. Not only have I begun drawing and doodling far more, but I've been doing much better in school without websites to take most to all of my attention away from taking actual notes. My new best friends, you ask?

Hurray for Moleskine and mechanical pencils. I love you love you.

Dorkiest sign off, perhaps ever.

by any other name

2009-02-20T23:54:00.004-05:00

What is a "friend" anyway?
I asked a few people:

"someone who makes you feel... not so inescapably alone"
"someone to laugh with"
"a loyal companion"
"can finish your sentences"

I'm not sure what I think a true friend is yet, but I do know that I've never
been so grateful for the good ones that I have (and never been
more ready to kick the ones that are not what I thought they were).

So yes; here's to my friends, my best friends, and those that I just love in general.
the friends that are like my family. the friends that I've only met once, maybe on a subway somewhere, my book/writing group friends/editors that know more about me than anyone, really. friends of friends that make me laugh. friends from the past that I wish I still spoke to. my family who are often the greatest friends you can find. friends that live far away. friends not on this earth anymore. future friends I may not even know yet. friends reading this terrible blog. This is a thank you.

Cheesy as this all may be, thank you for making me feel less... "inescapably alone"

As for the others; I've been making a lot of changes in my life as far as the people in it. If you are unaware of these changes, you're probably one of them. Life's too short to have negativity around (I'm negative enough on my own, I don't need more of it).

love you all. love and light and snuggles in this cold.
tk

PS. Friends!

and more and more and more and more i just don't have room! i love you all

dancing with plato

2009-01-07T20:30:00.004-05:00

Today I made my Mac doc full of my writing family

because, well, I'm the dumbest person ever.

behold the geekiness:

Now who wouldn't want Sylvia Plath as their iTunes and Joyce as their InDesign?

Thanks, banaboogie!

m00viez.

2009-01-07T19:03:00.004-05:00

My picks for this weeks Golden Globes (I love movies!):

Best Motion Picture:

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Frost/Nixon

The Reader

Revolutionary Road

Slumdog Millionaire

Revolutionary Road

A Mendes masterpiece. Unreal. Perfection.

Best Director - Motion Picture:

Danny Boyle, Slumdog Millionaire

Stephen Daldry, The Reader

David Fincher, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon

Sam Mendes, Revolutionary Road

Danny Boyle

Sam Mendes amazes me, but Slumdog's direction was superb

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

Leonardo DiCaprio, Revolutionary Road

Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon

Sean Penn, Milk

Brad Pitt, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Mickey Rourke, The Wrestler

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA

Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married

Angelina Jolie, Changeling

Meryl Streep, Doubt

Kristin Scott-Thomas, I've Loved You So Long

Kate Winslet, Revolutionary Road

again:

My favorite two performances from both of them. Out of this world.

No question.

To be fair, I have yet to see The Wrestler.

& if Kate doesn't win this, Meryl Streep should.

L&L!

such stuff as dreams are made on

2009-01-07T17:41:00.003-05:00

Hello Blog World,

Happy 2-0-0-9 to all; scary, right?

I spent New Years Eve in the most exciting way possible:

Seeing "Doubt" with Gracie, coming home by 11:30, and spending midnight

with a Richard Yates book, a bottle of wine, and, later on, wait for it, Animal House on CBS.

Make fun all you want, but it was probably my favorite New Years yet.

I hate the "holiday" that is NYE - time just flies too fast and I think people

get so wasted simply to forget the morbidity of getting older and

saying goodbye to another year of life.

And so, to acquiesce with at least one New Years "norm"...

da da da DAAAA, my set of resolutions for 2009:

1. Be healthier.

I don't take very good care of myself and that's no secret to anyone that knows me. This will entail drinking water, not going more than two days without sleeping, not missing my allergy shots all the time, and not working so much that I faint at any given moment.

2. Get a literary agent and/or be published in a literary magazine.

This is a must. Pretty self-explanatory. Better get my stamps ready and stop being so lazy!

3. Be more punctual.

I used to be the Queen of punctuality, but my throne has been relinquished.

Waking up on time will be a must...

4. Let more people read my writing and take criticism better.

Another must. No more locking myself inside for days eating ice cream

when another person calls my stories "masturbatory" or "overwrought, tedious waxy words."

Furthermore, no more cursing these critics existence on a daily basis

while ripping apart their own work and lack of creativity in my mind. (I mean, what?)

5. Be less judgmental.

This will be the hardest...

6. Love people more and be nice to those that I am forced to love.

But how can I love people when I hate them so much? I guess that's not a good start, but everyone has that one family member (or 10) that are just so hard to love

7. Read at least 45 books

Including every classic that I've been putting off

8. Be more environmentally aware.

For someone who preaches this shit all the time, I really don't do as much as I should.

I get lazy with recycling and preserving energy more times than I'd like to admit

9. Send letters and cards.

I used to love this until techno world and the glory of iPhone email consumed me whole.

I miss the charm of sending and receiving real letters. Perfume, doodles, confetti and all.

10. Learn to shoot digitally.

My mother taught me photography with 35 mm film. While it will always be my preference, times are a changin' and I need to get over my stubborn opposition to digital photography. I actually find it pretty interesting.

11. Decorate my room and keep it clean

Randie, my roommate, is most likely laughing at this one...

MUST: hang my pictures & albums, get a new lamp, get a rug, paint my bookshelves, alphabetize my books, and get all of my typewriters fixed!

12. Be happy.

I've been better with this as of the last few months, but I really want to try this year. I want to do things I enjoy, do things that make me feel good. Not pretend to enjoy things to make other people happy. If I want to spend the day painting, I'm going to spend the day painting. If I want to go to the Met, I'll go. At least one day a week, I need to do whatever makes me smile. I owe myself that.

Ah, so let us see how many I can actually achieve or improve upon.

I wish all of you have a happy and safe new year

...with lots of love and light :)

that book

2008-12-22T13:16:00.002-05:00

So, I gave Stephenie Meyer a chance, I really did.

I wanted so badly to like the Twilight book/series- I had seen the movie before

reading any of her work and I didn't think it was terrible. In fact, I remained

pretty entertained regardless of the ever so romantic,"You look like diamonds," lines.

After having dinner with my cousin, Alia Phibes, last night, I was

thrilled to see that reading Meyer devastated and frustrated us both to the point

of wanting to seek therapy for having stuck through the text.

I'm posting a part of this review she wrote of Twilight since

I could never put it into better words.. or funnier ones.

avphibes.livejournal.com

"If you have not read the book, here is the plot:

A girl (Bella) leaves her flaky Mom and moves to a small, rainy town to live with her dad. There's a really hot boy (Edward) who keeps giving her mixed signals that make her obsessed with him. He saves her from a car crash. She finds out he's a vampire. She decides she's in love with him. He starts being nice to her and he's in love with her too! But, uh oh! her blood smells delicious and he wants to kill her! But he controls himself and they kiss! Yay!

Not a lot going on, right? THAT'S 350 FUCKING PAGES OF THE BOOK! The last 150 pages consists of a bad vampire who decides he wants to kill Bella for sport and she has to run away with the help of Edward's hot vampire family, but bad vampire tricks her into meeting him at a dance studio and beats her up and OMG Edward saves her just before he kills her. Then they go to Prom. The end.

OH OH OH... and the bestest part of all: The reason vampires can't go out in the sun? Because they're sparkly. Yes, sparkly. REALLY. I'm going to extrapolate from this that they also ride unicorns and crap gumdrops. I had to put down the book at that point and crack up.

Seriously. 500 pages. Of course, if they cut out Bella's tedious run-throughs of her daily class schedule and the ten million ridiculously adjectivey descriptions of how hot Edward is, the book would probably be a pamphlet. And don't presume that those extra pages were used on extraneous things like, say, character development.. ha ha ho... you wish! There isn't a character in this book who has more depth than a kiddie pool, and the protagonist, Bella, is probably the most spot-on example of a Mary Sue Character since Mary Sue.

But here's the thing... I was kind of looking forward to this book being page-turning popcorn, but at about the halfway mark I started feeling this strange, undefined feeling of frustration that went beyond the fact that there seemed to be no plot. I couldn't put my finger on it... and then, it hit me: The book was written in the style of erotica and I was waiting for the sex. So that part of my brain that likes to spank it to bad literotica.com stores... or, you know, that WOULD if I were into that sort of thing *cough*... was impatient to get the show on the road. Subconsciously, my mind was saying "GET TO THE FUCKING ALREADY!" and once my conscious mind figured that out, I was like "This book was written by a Mormon. There will be no fucking." And then, admittedly, I was a little annoyed. I almost wanted to write the sex scenes myself. They would probably go a little something like this:

I gasped as Edward unzipped his gorgeous, godlike pants, revealing his smooth, white, marble cock. He glared at me with his burning topaz eyes as my fingertips brushed his cold, sparkling, granite dick. My heartbeat quickened. My breath caught. I didn't deserve this. How could I, clumsy, ordinary, plain, clumsy Bella Swan who was only asked to the dance by 3 different lovestruck boys, be so close to a cock so gorgeous, scintillating and godlike? It was like the pale marble cock of Adonis.

In a quick, graceful motion, Edward turned and glared at me. "Don't you see Bella?" he said as he held me in his strong grasp and dry-humped my thigh with annoyance, "I'm a danger to you! You should have nothing to do with me! Every moment you're risking your life!"

"Edward" I gasped "I love you. I will love you forever!" I was in agony thinking of losing him and never again touching his pale, white, cold, gorgeous, sparkling, marble, granite, dazzling, godlike, scintillating Adonis cock. How would I live? He was my life.

He glared at me again with his dazzling, golden eyes and told me with his gorgeous, pale lips "There's something I haven't told you. Something else about my kind."

"What Edward?" I asked breathlessly, "I will love you no matter what. Forever."

He brushed his cold, gorgeous, marble lips close to my clumsy, ordinary ears and whispered "We..."

"What, Edward? I love you. Forever. You can tell me anything."

He gave me his crooked grin and said, "We ejaculate rainbows."

...and so forth. You get the idea."

This brings the major LOLS.

LoveLight&Vampires

most human beings are inescapably alone, and therein lies their tragedy

2008-12-20T15:58:00.001-05:00

MILK

everyone please see this one.

i can't believe in the year 2008, we are still fighting these battles...

L&L

nada!

2008-12-13T14:41:00.004-05:00

So I've been on the right track again with writing &

high off of being inspired and "mused" again

Lets hope I can get through my last week of finals and finish this story up!

Till then:

Thought I might give you all a little taste of Hemingway to start off your day.

Somehow, I never read this short; and now that I have, I think it's quite masterful.

A Clean, Well-Lighted Place

BY ERNEST HEMINGWAY

It was very late and everyone had left the cafe except an old man who sat in the shadow the leaves of the tree made against the electric light. In the day time the street was dusty, but at night the dew settled the dust and the old man liked to sit late because he was deaf and now at night it was quiet and he felt the difference. The two waiters inside the cafe knew that the old man was a little drunk, and while he was a good client they knew that if he became too drunk he would leave without paying, so they kept watch on him.

"Last week he tried to commit suicide," one waiter said.

"Why?"

"He was in despair."

"What about?"

"Nothing."

"How do you know it was nothing?"

"He has plenty of money."

They sat together at a table that was close against the wall near the door of the cafe and looked at the terrace where the tableswere all empty except where the old man sat in the shadow of the leaves of the tree that moved slightly in the wind. A girl and a soldier went by in the street. The street light shone on the brass number on his collar. The girl wore no head covering and hurried beside him.

"The guard will pick him up," one waiter said.

"What does it matter if he gets what he's after?"

"He had better get off the street now. The guard will get him. They went by five minutes ago."

The old man sitting in the shadow rapped on his saucer with his glass. The younger waiter went over to him.

"What do you want?"

The old man looked at him. "Another brandy," he said.

"You'll be drunk," the waiter said. The old man looked at him. The waiter went away.

"He'll stay all night," he said to his colleague. "I'm sleepy now.I never get into bed before three o'clock. He should have killed himself last week."

The waiter took the brandy bottle and another saucer from thecounter inside the cafe and marched out to the old man's table. Heput down the saucer and poured the glass full of brandy.

"You should have killed yourself last week," he said to the deafman. The old man motioned with his finger. "A little more," hesaid. The waiter poured on into the glass so that the brandy slopped over and ran down the stem into the top saucer of the pile."Thank you," the old man said. The waiter took the bottle back inside the cafe. He sat down at the table with his colleague again.

"He's drunk now," he said.

"He's drunk every night."

"What did he want to kill himself for?"

"How should I know."

"How did he do it?"

"He hung himself with a rope."

"Who cut him down?"

"His niece."

"Why did they do it?"

"Fear for his soul."

"How much money has he got?" "He's got plenty."

"He must be eighty years old."

"Anyway I should say he was eighty."

"I wish he would go home. I never get to bed before three o'clock.What kind of hour is that to go to bed?"

"He stays up because he likes it."

"He's lonely. I'm not lonely. I have a wife waiting in bed for me."

"He had a wife once too."

"A wife would be no good to him now."

"You can't tell. He might be better with a wife."

"His niece looks after him. You said she cut him down."

"I know." "I wouldn't want to be that old. An old man is a nasty thing."

"Not always. This old man is clean. He drinks without spilling.Even now, drunk. Look at him."

"I don't want to look at him. I wish he would go home. He has no regard for those who must work."

The old man looked from his glass across the square, then over at the waiters.

"Another brandy," he said, pointing to his glass. The waiter who was in a hurry came over.

"Finished," he said, speaking with that omission of syntax stupid people employ when talking to drunken people or foreigners. "Nomore tonight. Close now."

"Another," said the old man.

"No. Finished." The waiter wiped the edge of the table with a towel and shook his head.

The old man stood up, slowly counted the saucers, took a leathercoin purse from his pocket and paid for the drinks, leaving half a peseta tip. The waiter watched him go down the street, a very oldman walking unsteadily but with dignity.

"Why didn't you let him stay and drink?" the unhurried waiter asked. They were putting up the shutters. "It is not half-past two."

"I want to go home to bed."

"What is an hour?"

"More to me than to him."

"An hour is the same."

"You talk like an old man yourself. He can buy a bottle and drinkat home."

"It's not the same."

"No, it is not," agreed the waiter with a wife. He did not wish to be unjust. He was only in a hurry.

"And you? You have no fear of going home before your usual hour?"

"Are you trying to insult me?"

"No, hombre, only to make a joke."

"No," the waiter who was in a hurry said, rising from pulling down the metal shutters. "I have confidence. I am all confidence."

"You have youth, confidence, and a job," the older waiter said."You have everything."

"And what do you lack?"

"Everything but work."

"You have everything I have."

"No. I have never had confidence and I am not young."

"Come on. Stop talking nonsense and lock up."

"I am of those who like to stay late at the cafe," the older waitersaid.

"With all those who do not want to go to bed. With all those who need a light for the night."

"I want to go home and into bed."

"We are of two different kinds," the older waiter said. He was now dressed to go home. "It is not only a question of youth and confidence although those things are very beautiful. Each night I am reluctant to close up because there may be some one who needs the cafe."

"Hombre, there are bodegas open all night long."

"You do not understand. This is a clean and pleasant cafe. It is well lighted. The light is very good and also, now, there are shadows of the leaves."

"Good night," said the younger waiter.

"Good night," the other said. Turning off the electric light he continued the conversation with himself, It was the light of course but it is necessary that the place be clean and pleasant. You do not want music. Certainly you do not want music. Nor can you stand before a bar with dignity although that is all that isprovided for these hours. What did he fear? It was not a fear ordread, It was a nothing that he knew too well. It was all anothing and a man was a nothing too. It was only that and light was all it needed and a certain cleanness and order. Some lived init and never felt it but he knew it all was nada y pues nada y naday pues nada. Our nada who art in nada, nada be thy name thy kingdom nada thy will be nada in nada as it is in nada. Give usthis nada our daily nada and nada us our nada as we nada our nadas and nada us not into nada but deliver us from nada; pues nada. Hail nothing full of nothing, nothing is with thee. He smiled and stood before a bar with a shining steam pressure coffee machine.

"What's yours?" asked the barman.

"Nada."

"Otro loco mas," said the barman and turned away.

"A little cup," said the waiter.

The barman poured it for him.

"The light is very bright and pleasant but the bar is unpolished,"the waiter said.

The barman looked at him but did not answer. It was too late at night for conversation.

"You want another copita?" the barman asked.

"No, thank you," said the waiter and went out. He disliked bars and bodegas. A clean, well-lighted cafe was a very different thing. Now, without thinking further, he would go home to his room. He would lie in the bed and finally, with daylight, he would go to sleep. After all, he said to himself, it's probably only insomnia.

Many must have it.

love and light, all.

TKVTW

provocations

2008-12-03T10:45:00.004-05:00

Hello, everyone; if, anyone.

I hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving and are keeping warm during the holidays.

Just came back from sunny Florida, and whilst I don't miss the atmosphere very much, I do desperately miss the weather on NY days like this.

It was great to catch up with those *important ones* and to you guys, I miss you already.

An increase in responsibility and strange hobbies has inevitably led to the cessation and demise of my social life- so for those of you whom I have not seen in awhile, my apologies. I love you, too.

My new fun pet? My old, toy Diana camera that I haven't stopped playing with.

Something about old manuals are so charming.

Here are some from my experimental shooting with this 120 film,

The view from my balcony. I tried to do pin-point here,

but with no tripod it got a little sleezy.

This is Quinn. She is beautiful. We go on dates.

Playing with BANABOOGIE in Florida!! Man, I miss her.

My stunning friend, Gracie. One of the oldest and dearest friends I have.

My first day with the camera. Met Ashley for lunch and this man taught her how to "pose properly." He then continued to ask us what questions we would ask someone if they were forced to tell the truth. I guess my honestly only provided impetus for him to further pry, but I really loved him and his inquiries...

My cousins, Briana and Madison, on Thanksgiving. So precious

She wanted to play with my toy, so I let her take one of me, too.

Back to work now. I promise to update more.

Love & Light,

HI, from Florida

2008-11-26T19:57:00.003-05:00

Hello from Me & BanaBoogie!
I don't want to leave this weather.
More posts coming!

Happy Happy,
TK

you would suck my lungs

2008-11-11T15:02:00.005-05:00

Feeling very depressed today.

Just finished, by far, the strangest book I think I've read to date

Loved it:

Not for one with a weak stomach or, lets just say, a Jodi Picoult fan.

The book makes little sense and works more as an insane, random, disgusting, yet, alluring, perverted, what the fuck did I just read, kind of piece. For that, it succeeds.

Bellamy used the "cut-up" technique, an ode to Burrough's Naked Lunch, but, instead, uses all profanity. Sound like you want it yet? Trust me, you do.

In other news:

Barack Obama is our president.

I really have no words to describe the emotions I felt on November 4th... I really can't seem to find any. Being in New York City that night, in my pajamas, walking alone, was the singular greatest experience of my life. You really, just, had to be there.

Unfortunately, (isn't there always an unfortunately?) the next day I found out that Prop H8te passed in California (don't even get me started on Arkansas...) and my tears took a quick shift from those of happiness to those of bitter disappointment. How could we have taken such an enormous leap forward for equality and then taken an even bigger step backwards for hate?

Nothing makes sense to me.

Wishing you all a better day than I,

fuck.

2008-11-02T19:42:00.003-05:00

Writers block sucks and I'm so miserable!

rfiuewhfiuewhgfiwy348934i!!!!

I know it's all I've been blogging about but this is so depresssinngg!

I have no character development skills as of late and... well, no other skills either.

Lets let Nabokov explain my anguish with characters since he can actually write and i cannot:

"I have often noticed that we are inclined to endow our friends with the stability of type that literary characters acquire in the reader's mind. No matter how many times we reopen "King Lear," never shall we find the good king banging his tankard in high revelry, all woes forgotten, at a jolly reunion with all three daughters and their lapdogs. Never will Emma rally, revived by the sympathetic salts in Flaubert's father's timely tear. Whatever evolution this or that popular character has gone through between the book covers, his fate is fixed in our minds, and, similarly, we expect our friends to follow this or that logical and conventional pattern we have fixed for them. Thus X will never compose the immortal music that would clash with the second rate symphonies he has accustomed us to. Y will never commit murder. Under no circumstances could Z ever betray us. We have it all arranged in our minds, and the less often we see a particular person the more satisfying it is to check how obediently he conforms to our notion of him every time we hear of him. Any deviation in the fates we have ordained would strike us as not only anomalous but unethical. We would prefer not to have known at all our neighbor, the retired hot-dog stand operator, if it turns out he has just produced the greatest book of poetry this age has seen."

One of my favorite passages ever. Completely different context; but I still feel it when writing non-fiction. Help me, please?

(Needing) Love&Light,

....

2008-10-27T10:57:00.001-04:00

writers block writers block writers block.... 3 weeks and 4 days?
need a story by tonight...

Another Please

2008-10-14T15:18:00.001-04:00

Another one! Please come out! Everyone has worked so hard

invisible monster

2008-10-12T23:47:00.003-04:00

I feel completely, totally, entirely, wholly, dumbly, grossly, slang-word-ish-ly

tired. exhausted. blah. done.

emotionally & physically

words can't even help me right now, since i can't seem to find any

love&light (to me, please?)

Please

2008-10-09T14:36:00.003-04:00

Today I feel the urge to clear the air about this little blog of

mine on this little minute cyber plane within the big bad internet. My blog is

not my usual code of work. It's not meant to be a satirical piece, an editorial piece,

a fictitious piece, stylistic prose, or any "good piece of literature" as

a whole (not whatsoever). It is not a true reflection of who I am

as a writer, and not a complete depiction of who I am as a person. Veiling is

quite frequently grammatically as well as politcally incorrect, and merely,

simply, solely, exclusively meant as a train of thought, or

a stream of consciousness, if you will...

It is ostensibly unedited, and its purpose has never been to hurt, offend,

or induce high emotions of any kind.

Sure, I like to make people think- Sure, my opinions and thoughts are absolutely genuine-

But a few specific entries have raised a few specific eyebrows and have been taken, in my opinion, far too seriously. I stand by every word I say (poor syntax, or not)

and I am not apologizing for any of my opinions or thoughts. I am attempting,

instead, to provide a further explanation of what Veiling is really about.

You dig?

As far as my bananafish post which some people did not particularly favor-

the subject matter and purpose was not to vilify any single group of

people or to make a mockery of any specific lifestyle. My general observation

was the declension of sophistication, morality, and quality of life that

I have noticed as of late- inspired by flipping through certain Facebook pictures.

Can anyone really disagree with that?

Anyways, I felt I needed to clear a few of those issues up for you guys

as well as myself. For those of you who enjoy this blog, Rock on.

And with all of that being said, let me have my fun now.

Love and Light

TKVTW

ps. a special thank you to banaboogie abrams for being my biggest fan.

a penny for your thoughts

2008-10-07T16:16:00.004-04:00

Most people hate me because I am an atheist. Sorry :(

Atheist or not, has anyone seen this movie?

I found it really interesting- and other friends of mine who ARE religious

also found it interesting. (No, I am not trying to push my beliefs because that is

the very thing I loathe within organized religion)

Just wondering what you all think of this concept.

The Bible? God? Fables/Myths?

Does religion do more good than harm? Vise Versa?

When does it become too extreme? When is it not enough?

No judgments, whatsoever. I am truly just curious because religion

is something that I don't know as much about as I would like.

L&L.

and there is comfort in the sound

2008-10-07T15:43:00.003-04:00

Death Cab for Cutie was so, so, so good!

So was my weekend (for the most part...)

Felipe got a new Canon Rebel and we had fun with it around

our lovely Williamsburg. He is the best,

Good friends are such a rarity. Felipe, you rock my world!

Light and Love

a perfect day for bananafish

2008-10-03T00:15:00.003-04:00

Why do people bother me so much lately?

No, not just Sarah Palin...

But really,

Where have priorities gone? ethics? interests? morality?

What happened to making something of yourself?

"coming into your own" ?

Finding independence. Being well educated. Having an opinion (besides the opinions

of socialites and celebrities. No, those don't count)

Knowing yourself.

Knowing your boundaries.

Self respect.

Class.

Why are most "facebook pics" full of sex, drugs, bongs, half naked girls, sorority finger signs, the middle finger, 15 year old girls in wet t-shirt contests with bottles of booze in their hands (or on the crotch)

Why don't people have any yearning to learn anymore?

Why doesn't anyone read?

Where is the passion for anything?!

I'm not attacking anyone in particular (not at all, my friend)

I've absolutely fallen victim to this reality at certain points;

but i suppose my simple observation lies within the question of, well,

what the fuck has happened to the world?

On a side note:

Happy Happy Happy 1st birthday to my wonderful twin cousins.

Stevie and Jack Madden, you are wonders.

Let us all try to think like kids, hm?

So pure. So happy.

Light and Love,

TKVTW

i have a crush on rachel maddow

2008-10-02T23:58:00.001-04:00

I do I do I do!

to brighten everyones hour

2008-09-29T01:12:00.003-04:00

for you all, because my heart is pregnant with happiness

Ulalume/Poe

The skies they were ashen and sober;The leaves they were crisped and sere - The leaves they were withering and sere;It was night in the lonesome October

Of my most immemorial year:It was hard by the dim lake of Auber,In the misty mid region of Weir - It was down by the dank tarn of Auber,In the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.Here once, through and alley Titanic,Of cypress, I roamed with my Soul - Of cypress, with Psyche, my Soul. These were days when my heart was volcanic

As the scoriac rivers that roll - As the lavas that restlessly roll

Their sulphurous currents down YaanekIn the ultimate climes of the pole - That groan as they roll down Mount YaanekIn the realms of the boreal pole.Our talk had been serious and sober,But our thoughts they were palsied and sere - Our memories were treacherous and sere, - For we knew not the month was October,And we marked not the night of the year(Ah, night of all nights in the year!) - We noted not the dim lake of Auber(Though once we had journeyed down here) - Remembered not the dank tarn of Auber,Nor the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.And now, as the night was senescentAnd star-dials pointed to morn - As the star-dials hinted of morn - At the end of our path a liquescentAnd nebulous lustre was born,Out of which a miraculous crescentArose with a duplicate horn - Astarte's bediamonded crescentDistinct with its duplicate horn.And I said: "She is warmer than Dian;

She rolls through an ether of sighs - She revels in a region of sighs:She has seen that the tears are not dry onThese cheeks, where the worm never dies,And has come past the stars of the Lion

To point us the path to the skies - To the Lethean peace of the skies - Come up, in despite of the Lion,To shine on us with her bright eyes - Come up through the lair of the Lion,With love in her luminous eyes."But Psyche, uplifting her finger,Said: "Sadly this star I mistrust - Her pallor I strangely mistrust:

Ah, hasten! -ah, let us not linger!Ah, fly! -let us fly! -for we must."In terror she spoke, letting sink herWings until they trailed in the dust - In agony sobbed, letting sink herPlumes till they trailed in the dust - Till they sorrowfully trailed in the dust.I replied: "This is nothing but dreaming:Let us on by this tremulous light!

Let us bathe in this crystalline light!Its Sybilic splendour is beamingWith Hope and in Beauty tonight! - See! -it flickers up the sky through the night! Ah, we safely may trust to its gleaming,

And be sure it will lead us aright - We safely may trust to a gleaming,That cannot but guide us aright, Since it flickers up to Heaven through the night."Thus I pacified Psyche and kissed her, And tempted her out of her gloom - And conquered her scruples and gloom;

And we passed to the end of the vista, But were stopped by the door of a tomb - By the door of a legended tomb;And I said: "What is written, sweet sister,On the door of this legended tomb?" She replied: "Ulalume -Ulalume - 'Tis the vault of thy lost Ulalume!"Then my heart it grew ashen and sober

As the leaves that were crisped and sere - As the leaves that were withering and sere;And I cried: "It was surely OctoberOn this very night of last yearThat I journeyed -I journeyed down here! - That I brought a dread burden down here - On this night of all nights in the year, Ah, what demon hath tempted me here?

Well I know, now, this dim lake of Auber - This misty mid region of Weir - Well I know, now, this dank tarn of Auber,This ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir."

ANNABELLE LEE/Poe
It was many and many a year ago, In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know By the name of Annabel Lee; And this maiden she lived with no other thought Than to love and be loved by me.
I was a child and she was a child, In this kingdom by the sea; But we loved with a love that was more than love - I and my Annabel Lee; With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven Coveted her and me. And this was the reason that, long ago, In this kingdom by the sea, A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling My beautiful Annabel Lee; So that her highborn kinsman came And bore her away from me, To shut her up in a sepulcher In this kingdom by the sea. The angels, not half so happy in heaven, Went envying her and me Yes! that was the reason (as all men know, In this kingdom by the sea) That the wind came out of the cloud by night, Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.
But our love was stronger by far than the love Of those who were older than we Of many far wiser than we And neither the angels in heaven above, Nor the demons down under the sea, Can ever dissever my soul from the soul Of the beautiful Annabel Lee. For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride, In the sepulcher there by the sea, In her tomb by the sounding sea.

i carry your heart with me/cummings
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

desserts is just stressed spelled backwards

2008-09-28T18:10:00.001-04:00

I love the Wonder Years! Where is it? Can I buy it? I really miss Kevin and Winnie...

I was the shadow of the waxwing slain

2008-09-28T00:46:00.002-04:00

so.

deliriously.

happy.

and yet,

so.

tired.

thanks to me.

no one else.

just me.

i am content.

now, to take my rapacious yearning somewhere worth knowing...

can barely see straight. half asleep.

L&L,

vesper

they were yung and easily freudened

2008-09-25T13:02:00.003-04:00

Is it worth it to falsify friendships with detestable people to make life easier (?.)

or to uphold uncompromising condemnation on those humans in order to "stay true to yourself"

just a wry observation...

lame-o.

you can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style

2008-09-22T19:29:00.002-04:00

Well Hello, Hello!

I am in the greatest of spirits. Not sure why? Time to start bloggin' again because I'm sick of hearing it. Here's to you.

number 1.

Things I am excited for:

This Saturday The New School is having a Nabokov convention to mark the 50th anniversary of Lolita's first US publication. From 10am-10pm (ouch) Nabokovs publishers and translators will be speaking about Lolita's impact on literature.

!!!!

This is like porn for me. No, not literally; not Lolita... but this convention. Would anyone besides my book clubbers like to join me?

Click here to RSVP

ps. if you haven't read this book yet and have always wanted to (or, well, even if you haven't)..

READ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next,

The Death Cab for Cutie concert! I'm not so big on any music released in the last 20 years, but I do love me some death cab. (Thanks, Spence!)

number 2.

NY fashion week is now over and I have to admit, I kind of miss the craziness. Here's an ode to my PR team. You guys are amazing, wonderful, quirky, and beautiful. I miss you all.

(except you, Mary. you're never going away)

Here are some highlights from the two shows:

^ Lisa, Me, Mary at show #2. We're all looking a bit tired, but happy nonetheless. Our feet were definitely bleeding profusely at this point...

^ cheesy picture Lisa took of me. Cheeeeeese!

^ Pulling an all nighter in the studio the night before show. Delirious? Deranged? Yes, Yes.

Team PR. Aren't we cute?

^This is Marguerite. She goes to Dartmouth and is my mental-soul-sister.

She is pretty fantastic.

number 3.

I am so in love with Brooklyn and lazy days at the park. Yesterday I had brunch with the fabulous Felipe and my lovely roomie before heading to the N8th park. Felipe is a truly unique and genuine character and I am very lucky to have him as a close friend. Here's some (more) tripping dippy pictures from our day:

All for now. lots of thoughts, lots of thoughts.

Love & Light, everyone,

TKVTW

RandLE

2008-09-05T10:15:00.007-04:00

IS WONDERFUL :)

& I LOVE HER.

wow

2008-09-03T17:02:00.003-04:00

Is really all that I can say after reading,

Jayne Anne Phillips', Black Tickets, almost twice in a row.

Seriously...honestly....really....

how can somebody be that good at prose?

It devastates me reading language that is so brilliantly constructed sometimes; but I can't say I didn't love every second of it. Very impressionistic, very choppy, little punctuation, and extremely challenging (for me, at least)- but this book "wow'ed" me, for many different reasons, from front to back.

In other news

1. I finished my first novel. First draft. Finito.

Why am I still in fashion school?

Hm....

2. Randie now lives with me and it's so wonderful

3. I'm part of a really great book club- so please, anyone, let me know if you would like to join our group of 8'ish.

4. I was always good at reading others, but I guess I lost that skill recently. I just don't understand some people! Why are people in college (and older) still acting like high schoolers? Middle schoolers? 5 year olds? What gives? I am, by no stretch of the imagination, an exceptionally mature girl- but why are some grown people still involved in "facebook fights", "he said, she said", picture untagging and un-friending battles? What world is this? People pick and pick and tease and batter and provoke and it is really just SO SAD. Grow up and have a conversation with someone outside of the Internet or a facebook status, or don't say anything at all because it's truly embarrassing for yourself. Sorry, I'm just really sick of seeing this (and dealing with it).

Off to a concert with Randie. Jenny, I hope you're happy for an update.

Love, Light, and promises for more frequent updates,

TKVTW

It's here.

2008-08-25T17:15:00.006-04:00

CHECK. THIS. OUT.

because,

A. It's amazing

B. Josh Sugarman and Brandon Yankowitz are incredible talents

C. It's amazing

D. It's my first "costume design" endeavor

truththroughaction.org

and our video on the Huffington Post

Here's to OBiden.

More later.

Love and Light

Le Mot Juste

2008-08-15T11:39:00.002-04:00

Hello, all.

The last few days have been super busy and super fun.

Randie was in town for awhile, and we began to prepare for her

big move to the city. The two of us in a U-Haul next weekend

should be fascinating given our combined scintillating driving skills.

Here, some random pictures from Dad's international party:

I guess I like looking like a seal.

In other news, Mom took us to go wine tasting

in Montauk and that was... too much of a blast.

My friends Josh and Brandon are just wrapping up a short film

we shot last weekend. The films are for an organization

called Truth Through Action and it's been a great way to raise awareness

about the Democratic party and some of the issues arising in the world of politics.

If you haven't checked out the first video, take a look and spread the word.

truththroughaction.org

Here's a shot from our weekend shoot. Pretty amazing!

So Jennifer Abrams has been staying with me

these past couple of days and I've had an amazing time

showing her around the city and my Williamsburg hood.

It's so nice to catch up with friends that you've had forever. I can't

believe we met 10 years ago. How the time flies...

We have been thrifting, antiquing, wiggling, dancing, and taking lots of

photos with her Rebel. Now if only I could get her to see The Wackness

for the third time with me. Ladies and Gents- this is my new

favorite movie. Please check it out!

Luke Shapiro is my life.

Love, Light and Happiness.

Finnegans Wake

2008-08-07T11:57:00.004-04:00

Can somebody please shed some light for me?

Finnegans Wake-

Perhaps my OCD hindered my Wake experience

considering I couldn't stop obsessing over the fact that

the opening line was only a partial sentence.

("riverrun, past Eve and Adams, from swerve of shore

to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of

recirculation back to Howth, Castle and Environs.")

Famous, or not; it bothered me.

Help from my fellow literary nerds, please?

All my love.

axel rose is an anagram for oral sex

2008-08-06T18:41:00.006-04:00

Hello, beautiful people.
Been extremely, extremely busy and things are

just starting to quiet down a bit.

My birthday was nice and relaxing;

I had everyone around me that I love and

some great food to top it (Seth Levine, you are the greatest).

Since then, I've been working on a new, short, democratic film with some friends,

(everyone should check out truththroughaction.org immediately)

been working on both novels (what's new?)

and working both jobs to the max.

I started taking a writing class midtown with Gotham

and it's been quite rewarding. It's nice to finally have some great

feedback on my work and my teacher is exceptional at what she does.

If I could leave my life as I know it and write every day until I die; I would.

Locked up in a cabin somewhere in the mountains with

nothing but my queer collection of antique typewriters...

Wouldn't that be the life?

Anyhoo- not much time here;

but I'll leave all you curious ones with some recent pictures

as of late...

Me & Ash at Pink Elephant on my birthday.

Loved this little Zac Posen dress, even though I hate pink...

Birthday dinner at Woo Lae Oak. What else?

My lovely girl and the Will to my Grace.

Park days with Jason. On this particular one, I was saved by Jesus.

My new Royal typewriter. Finally found one in great

condition and I am in love....

Love & Light. TK

Jennifer Abrams

2008-07-16T15:31:00.003-04:00

Just a little shout out to Bana Boogie.

She has been a true blue for a long, long, long time

and I want to thank her for allowing me

to realize how fortunate I am when I complain about things.

She's a truly great soul.

My thoughts are with you right now <3

definitely, maybe

2008-07-15T15:17:00.002-04:00

“I think that we’ve proven that both

parents are important in the success

of a family so, no.

I don’t believe in gay adoption."
- John McCain

say what??!

Hey, John McCain...(!!)

How about your daughter, Bridget, that you

adopted from an orphanage in Bangladesh

because she was living in such poor conditions?

I'm sure she would have been much better off staying there

than being adopted by a loving gay/lesbian couple....

RIGHT?

Actually, he would probably agree that an orphanage/foster care system

would indeed be better for a child to be raised.

Do you think Bridget would agree?

Bring on the hate. This is one thing that really gets me...

Why are people so regressive?

Much love.

(To gays, homos, fags, and queers)

Much, Much Love.

I'm back.

2008-07-14T16:46:00.004-04:00

Where to begin, where to begin...

These past 44 days or so have been...

well, fascinating, to say the least.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching... a LOT.

Yes, cheesy/sitcom like soul searching. (insert melancholy music here)

In hindsight, I believe I was/am mildly on the verge

of a nervous breakdown and quite simply needed some time away from everything.

SO- I got away.

I ran away.

I ran faster than anyone could imagine a girl in Louboutins could ever run.

And did it help? Of course.

People that say you can never run away from your

problems have clearly never lived in New York City

and had a second home in South Florida.

I ran away to my home and spent time with my cousins in the Keys

which has seemed to raise my spirits a lot.

They always seem to be there to kick me when I'm down

and keep me grounded when I need them the most.

Jokes aside, my cousins really mean the absolute world to me.

We were raised as sisters, have matching "secret" tattoos,

and have a bond that most people would never understand.

I saw some good friends (Lisa, you always

save me), I ate some good food (nothing compares to

South Beach's Cuban), I spent a sufficient time in the ocean,

and I wrote some angry, resentful poetry that only Alanis Morissette would dig.

And now I am back. Facing the big lights, facing these large buildings

and loud people that I wanted absent from my mind forever.

Facing my anger and extinguishing it. For good.

No longer entertaining the idea of hating

the loud, overweight, piteous girl that drove me to a lot of

this anger in the first place.

I've come to terms with simply feeling sorry for her and

genuinely hoping that she can rectify the harm she's

done to her own reputation (and life, for that matter).

Must be sad. Really.

So what's new with me?

I got a completely impulsive new tattoo

I'm starting creative writing course with Gotham this week (beyond excited)

RANDIE is moving in with me (!!!!!)

I have a court date for getting a ticket... on the subway?

I started writing my second book (although I have yet to finish my first :/)

Oh yeah, and it's my birthday this weekend. (gag me)

Happy to be back.

Leaving you with some love from Key Largo :)

i do

2008-07-06T02:03:00.000-04:00

I miss my blog. I do, I do.

Almost back...

Almost ready.

renaissance

2008-06-19T02:19:00.002-04:00

Yes, I am still alive.

No, I am not doing well.

Call this a rebirth, if you will;

I will carry on with a smile on my face.

Oh, the facades.

How does one reconcile the heart and mind?

To be continued

I will soon be back...

2008-06-05T10:26:00.002-04:00

Join us on June 5th at Mansion New York City (530 W. 28th St.) as we officially launch and screen our debut short comedy.

http://www.truththroughaction.org/

be there.

5:30

2008-06-02T05:35:00.002-04:00

in the morning. I cannot write in here until things feel better.

I'm sorry.

Stay well, everyone.

all my love. TK

: /

2008-05-29T01:21:00.003-04:00

I suck at updating lately, I know! I left my laptop in Brooklyn and

haven't been home in a long, long time now. Life has been good and

I have been mighty busy. Working, painting, revising my manuscript,

trying to find time for family/friends/boyfriend, and helping out with a

political campaign has been consuming my time and mind.

A Big BIG Happy Birthday to:

Maximillion Burns, Jana Banana, Jason Lover Suchite, and my Kickass Dad!

You guys all rock my world and I would be nothing without you.

Nothing!

These 4 people are my life.

I will give them all their special little promised blogs as soon as I get the time. ;)

Much love and happiness.

:D

2008-05-22T18:02:00.003-04:00

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, Hello Lover.

My new Miu Mius. Yeeaaaasss :)

Summer is finally here and I am

ALL

Smiles.

-Yours Truly

endings or beginnings?

2008-05-19T13:07:00.003-04:00

So I'm in Boston for Randie's graduation and I

cannot believe how old we are getting?!

Posting pictures later.

By the way, I did it again. A cursive typewriter!

So obsessed. This one is eggshell.

I love Boston, and I love all of you.

ink today?

i'm feeling daring

2008-05-16T15:16:00.002-04:00

Billie Holiday Tattoo.

Portrait or lyrics perhaps

Thoughts?

favorite person ever

2008-05-12T17:57:00.003-04:00

Just received the following e-mail from my dearest, dearest friend.

From: Jason

Subject: Fuck This

Mssg: I hate school forever.

Always the ultimate optimist.

I love you, Jason! You make me laugh

& you still have a blog coming your way...

PS. I saw this in the park the other day

and almost had a heart attack because it was so fucking beautiful.

I was so upset that I didn't have a real camera on me

that I'm still feeling the pain today.

^ There you have it.

This entire park was inches deep in petals from the

wind blowing the trees and bushes so much.

GAH!! I can't even take the world sometimes.

Petal angels?! Oh, the possibilities....

Sorry for the crappy, dark, iPhone quality. I wish you

all could have seen it with your own eyes.

Love and Light.

tizzy

2008-05-12T17:52:00.004-04:00

Barack Obama made an appearance at the Jay-Z concert I just attended.

AND Dave Chappelle showed up at the Chris Rock

show to support him, too.

Drink that Kool-aid!

1 more day

2008-05-12T13:04:00.004-04:00

Finals kill me. KIILLLLLL ME!

Pulled an all-nighter with Michaela Kay last

night and I think we were both a little worn out this morning...

just a little.

I can't wait to upload so much more after these

exams are over. 1 more to go! Hello, macro economics.

In between classes I just thought I would post to keep myself awake.

Zzzzzz

This picture makes me happy. The view from my street at dusk.

Goodnight at 1 pm.

PS. My new typewriter, Miles, is so incredible I could die.

Say Hello

2008-05-09T12:52:00.001-04:00

To my new baby:

another thought

2008-05-06T21:14:00.001-04:00

richard platzman and alia phibes really, really rock.

probably the most normal of the madden family?

planning on kidnapping their kitten in 3, 2....

Happy Birthday to.... no one important

2008-05-05T11:02:00.007-04:00

Happy Birthday (yesterday) to my future maid of honor:

Ian Carlos Mormeneo!

The gayest, thuggest, most handsome, worst best friend I've ever had.

Ian and I met in the 6th grade when I was gothic and he was fat. He would tease and torture me every day telling me to go "kill myself slowly" and get a life.

Well, not much has changed since then.

Ian tells me when I look fat, he refuses to speak to me if I'm not wearing makeup, and he brushes my hair for me when I'm depressed.

After I had a brief love affair with his father, Ian and I became best friends.

Although we hate each other, we really do love each other

and he is my best friend in the whole wide world!

When I've been through some tough times, Ian has always been there for me, and I sincerely mean that. He has been there night and day; through breakups, illnesses, depression, and everything else under the sun. He's the one person in the world that would be at my doorstep if I called him crying at 3am and I would do the same for him, always.

Back to making fun of him.

Ian stole and lost my statistics homework for an entire year and used it as his own...

How did he graduate?

He is a fairy princess and everyone should know how beautiful he is.

If any man is interested, please inquire now!

PS. it's true ladies and gents.

Ian even has a DVD of himself!

PPS. Ian loves Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons!

He's even got "Big Girls Don't Cry" on repeat in his car!

PPPS. Ian and I were voted as "Best Should-Have-Been Couple" in our high school senior superlatives. Lets all laugh at the count of three together!

!!!!!

current obsessions

2008-05-05T10:22:00.006-04:00

The following things are currently invading my thoughts:

The Sex and the City Movie! Countdown: 25 days.

If you know me at all, you will know May 30th will be a holiday for me.

You will also know that I have many emotional attachments with this movie for many reasons.

Ladies, get your gladiator sandals ready!

You better bet I'll be there at midnight in my best

Carrie Bradshaw costume/outfit. Hey, if I did it for Spiderman, I'm

damn well doing it for Carrie!

Warning: Michaela is making me post the following

picture to prove to people how stupid I am:

I Heart Peter Parker!

ok, next.

Kiki De Montparnasse

Although I cannot even pronounce this store's name, it has become a favorite.

Located in Soho off of Greene and Spring, this "high end sex shop" is just the coolest

The candles, the novels, the photographs, the vintage pin-up pieces, the silks

KiKi rocks my world!

An Antique Typewriter !!!!

Anyone who has been forced to be around me the past few weeks most likely wants to kill me because I can't stop obsessing over finding the perfect typewriter. I found a beautiful blue baby in the junk store down the street, but when I went back for it soon after, it was sold.

Devastation.

Ever since, I've been wandering this big, bad city trying to find the perfect one.

I know it will be the muse for my next big hit novel (Ayo!) Not.

I've offered Barnes and Nobles hundreds for their typewriter in the window display (they said it would "fuck up their window" if I took it), and searched everywhere online. But what can I say, I'm a creepy little artist and the right one needs to "speak" to me.

Much Love.

Recludere

2008-05-01T16:28:00.004-04:00

means, "shut up" or "sequester"

translates from latin, "recluse"

translates to life, my wish.

life would be so euphoric with no worries or responsibilities.

maybe even no people?

days alone, dancing, singing

john coltrane's "in a sentimental mood" on repeat.

no noise

barefoot, running in the grass, feeling the blades between your toes

naked with an easel and an endless supply of burnt sienna

the smell of a fireplace

waking up to duke ellington

falling asleep to billie holiday

wind blowing in my hair

daisies & gardenias

head swirling with reminiscences of childhood

and those of first love, horse hooves

dancing with my grandfather

& my mother's soft touch

a life of seclusion, but a life of bliss

if we define our own heaven, that would be mine.

tired.

2008-05-01T14:38:00.006-04:00

As I was reading John Mayer's blog this morning (yeah, I'm a nerd), I came across a post that really made me smile. Let us all keep these things in mind, because we so frequently forget.

A Pure Moment

When was the last time you had a truly pure moment?

The simple order of you, the enjoyment, the happiness, the end.

Without that nagging arithmetic of what the moment must look like to others, what it might read like tomorrow, and if it bears any significance in the long term...

When was the last time you heard the voice in your head over all the noise?

Simple happiness is at a premium... and I can't think of anything

more valuable I want to own right now...

Self consciousness is toxic... And it's everywhere...

I have not learned anything from fame and success that I

wouldn't have wanted life to teach me without it...

Thought that was nice. Hold onto those moments.
All my love.

GRRR...

2008-04-30T10:34:00.004-04:00

I have finally managed to unearth my number 1 problem/fear/hatred.

Public Speaking.

I hate it!!!

I just don't get it...I'm not shy whatsoever,

I'm a people person (for the most part),

I can speak to a group of people easily and usually quite eloquently,

but damnit, when I'm in front of a room full of people; I could die.

What's my problem? My voice shakes, my body shakes,

I almost black out sometimes, and I can't seem to get any of my points

across (if any). I had to give a speech at my brother's wedding this

weekend and I can't even remember those 5 minutes because

I was so close to fainting.

Can anyone give me any pointers?

I have tried the "picture your audience naked" deal and that makes me

feel giddy more than anything else, but no help. blah's

rain rain, go away

2008-04-29T13:10:00.004-04:00

STOP THIS CRAPPY WEATHER, PLEASEEE!

So Seattle was beautiful; Wedding was beautiful; Weather was beautiful

My new sister-in-law looked beautiful- and you guessed it, everything else went beautifully.

I am so incredibly happy for my big brother and his bride. I've never seen him smile so much. They both absolutely deserve each other and my little heart of coal got all warm and fuzzy this weekend. Imagine?!

I will post some pictures later on, but for now I just wanted to express how poignant and beautiful it is to see two people so deeply in love. I wish everyone that feeling.

As for me? I'm so exhausted. I want nothing more than to sit at home all day long eating soup while this rain continues to dispirit everyone outside my bubble...sigh :)

Unfortunately, I have to get my weekly allergy shot in about an hour, and then proceed to go straight to the library to work on a project for Marketing. No wonder so many kids committed suicide in Bobst library; I bet it was raining, they were this tired, and they just came from the doctors office, too.

Till then, I shall stay awake by making cartoons of my friends on Adobe Illustrator. How productive! Working on Spencer now...

HaHa!

Many rainy kisses, Yours Truly

why oh why?!

2008-04-28T15:34:00.003-04:00

are there no water fountains in college like there were in high school? I was forced to walk outside in the pouring, cold, rain this morning to buy a bottle of water- I just wanted a sip!

just in case

2008-04-23T14:18:00.000-04:00

you haven't read up on this yet, PLEASE check this out and tell me what you think.
I'm down for a debate.

http://www.yaledailynews.com/articles/view/24513

WHA?!

PS. very excited for the Jay-Z/Mary J Blige concert.
I can get my white girl dance moves on!
Thank you, Mr. Faber!

the goddess

2008-04-23T10:07:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, while browsing for a dress to wear to my brother's rehearsal dinner this weekend ( I can't believe he's getting married! ) I met none other than the fucking fabulousness of Diane von Furstenberg!!! She has been my icon since... well, forever. I love her!!!!

(For those of you who don't know fashion too well, think the AmEx commercial in the forest; or perhaps you once heard of the invention of the "wrap dress")

She's the epitome of class and talent and I hope that one day I

may be a fraction of the designer/woman she is.

Is she not the hottest 61 year old on the planet?!

So, after meeting Diane I purchased this skinny minny little mustard dress because the color reminded me of this hot Vera Wang number that I loved oh so much :)

Perhaps I'll even rock some red lips; that is, if I can even fit into the thing this weekend. Blah!

Wishing you all a better Wednesday than the one that is ahead of me,

just a thought

2008-04-23T09:51:00.000-04:00

I found it interesting that when looking at my "play count" on iTunes,

my most played music recently is as follows (yes, a tie):

Hanson, Depeche Mode, Billie Holiday, and Britney Spears.

Hell Yeah!

PS. I am happy now, Tasha. & I love you

LARS AND THE REAL GIRL

2008-04-21T11:13:00.001-04:00

is now out on dvd! Everyone should see it right now!

You not only get to stare at Ryan Gosling, you get to stare at Ryan Gosling making

out with a life-size sex doll! What could be better? Nothing.

On a more serious note; this movie is fantastic... a very surprisingly poignant love story.

You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll finish with a new elucidation on the meaning of love.

I love this movie! (& so does Michaela!)

drooling right now

2008-04-21T10:12:00.002-04:00

For those of you who know me well, you know that my ultimate kryptonite would be designer shoes. I love my dresses, I love my jackets, I really love a nice purse, but nothing- I repeat; Nothing compares to the satisfaction I get from purchasing a new pair of shoes.

Addicted? I would say so. Gross? Definitely.

So on this lovely Monday morning, I thought I would share

some hot little eye candy for all you shoe fiends like myself...

Ok, Nicholas Kirkwood has the most beautiful shoes/works of art

to ever walk this planet (no pun intended) and I want them on my feet!

Gimme Gimme Gimme! I mean, honestly...

Marc Jacobs Spring shoe collection is the sickest.

I couldn't find the actual pair that I'm after online, but here is a close model.

High heels without the heels; what could be better?
Miu Miu shoes. Kills me every time. I want the bling!

Just got these in the ballerina flats and they BROKE

after just 1 month; but I ain't mad at you, Miu Miu.

You still rock my world.Of course, my ultimate weakness... Those red bottom heels.

The true love of my life; Christian Louboutin.

Ok, I realize I sound like a raging snob right now, but that's life.

We all have our absurd vices....Right? :\

lately.

2008-04-20T21:34:00.000-04:00

Although I am constantly isolating myself, things have been much better. The sun is shining, the birds are out, I have air in my lungs and a beautiful life. I am often my own worst enemy and I've been realizing that sometimes I just need to take a breath and be easier on myself. Paranoia has become far too paramount a feeling for me.. I am habitually under the impression that people are casting aspersions and scheming to subvert every relationship in my life.

It's now time to stop talking about it. Stop whining,

stop bitching, stop making myself sick over my obsessive fears, stop blogging about it...

Step back, breathe, and finally, let go.

I promise, I'll really try this time ;)

Updates tomorrow. I promise that, too.

.Yours Truly

one of my favorites

2008-04-16T12:10:00.000-04:00

Dream Variations by Langston Hughes

To fling my arms wide
In some place of the sun,
To whirl and to dance
Till the white day is done.
Then rest at cool evening
Beneath a tall tree
While night comes on gently,
Dark like me--
That is my dream!

To fling my arms wide
In the face of the sun,
Dance! Whirl! Whirl!
Till the quick day is done.
Rest at pale evening . . .
A tall, slim tree . . .
Night coming tenderly
Black like me.

Birthdays (Continued)

2008-04-15T18:42:00.001-04:00

Last, but certainly not least; two of the most important people in the world to me:

Randie K
My best friend since birth. She has become more like a sister than a friend of mine over the last 20 years. We have been there for each other through everything and anything the world has thrown us and I don't think there's a single person on earth that knows more about me than she. It's so rare in life that we have friendships as strong and rare as the one we have, and I feel so fortunate every day. She is my family, and always will be. If you know her, consider yourself a very lucky person; there are not enough nice things to say about her.

And, of course, Spencer Singer; my incredible boyfriend.
The most genuine heart on the face of this Earth and the nicest person most will ever meet in their lifetime. Anyone that has ever known him will tell you that he's the warmest, most compassionate person from the first "hello" (and the person with the most extensive wardrobe). I met Spence almost exactly a year ago, and the second after we exchanged greetings I turned to my friends and said, "I'm in love with that guy." Ridiculous, I know- but a true story. I stalked him from that day on until he asked me out on a date and we've been inseparable ever since. We've been through so much together this past year, including most people's opposition to our age difference; but when two people work, they work- And we do. He's my best friend and I love him with all of my little, pathetic heart.

Birthdays!

2008-04-15T17:51:00.000-04:00

A giant Happy Birthday post to some of my favorite people in the world!

(Why do all of my friends have the same birthday??)

Happy birthday to the following people that I love oh so much...

Felipe is the Andy to my Edie and his talent is going to take him many places. He is the coolest guy on earth, but he needs to not flake out so much when we make brunch plans ;)

Seth Faber. If we could publish our text messages to each other we would be millionaires (and everyone on earth would hate us). Enough said.

Ashley has pretty much adopted me as a younger sister this year, and her friendship means the absolute world to me. She is so beautiful, inside and out (as cliche as it all may sound), and has the most genuine heart. For the past few months, we've spent every Saturday night together for our "date night".

It goes as follows:

1. eat mizu

2. watch youtube.

3. try on 18 different outfits each to go basically nowhere

4. go basically nowhere and have no fun as much as we try to convince ourselves we should be "going out like normal people"

5. get home and watch more youtube.

We're pretty amazing & I love this girl to death. Who else would do gay guy impersonations with me while Clay Aiken is standing directly behind us? Or dress up like ^ that on Halloween? (see picture with Seth)

gets me every time...

2008-04-15T17:26:00.000-04:00

For you, my heart... Ripped from my chest. Eviscerated, I am. And if I could, I would plunge my fingers through my chest and rip out my heart and give it to you. A pulpy mass of morbid diathesis.
In addition to my heart, there are some small organs that I want to give you: glands... sweetbreads... variety meats.
I'm offering these gifts. Rare gifts. I know that they don't amount too much in the face of what you've given me.
I've heard these organs can't survive outside the body for more than a few hours. But I'll try to get there as soon as I can. Whatever happens, it will be on me. On my heart.

busy busy!

2008-04-14T12:45:00.000-04:00

what's real cannot be threatened, and what's not real does not exist

2008-04-07T10:24:00.000-04:00

I am feeling a million times better since last week, but now I need to get myself back together. My eyebrows are a mess, my hair hasn't seen a brush in quite some time, my nails are disgustingly chipped, and my skin is paler than a geisha's. Call me superficial, but this isn't acceptable anymore. Goal this week? Get back to normal.

Yes, normalcy could be good for me.

I can't put my finger on it, but lately I can't shake this feeling of loneliness. I have the most wonderful family in the world, the greatest friends, and a boyfriend that any girl (or guy) in the world would envy- but I can't get out of my head lately. I find myself pushing people away these past few weeks; not returning phone calls, not being a good listener, and living in my own la la land far away. To those of you whom I may have offended, I'm sorry. I don't know what's up with me. I just live in my head sometimes; and lately, I can't get out.

My apologies again for the dismal nature of this blog lately- I promise I will take some happy pills later! I think these perpetual NY gray skies are starting to affect me a little too much.

Seasonal Affective Disorder, anyone?

Some positive thoughts to mull over:

-This weekend! 3 of my favorite people in the world have their birthdays.

Celebrations will ensue

-Obama is up in the polls again :)

Some call me obsessed, I just call it passionate

-My room is finally coming together and it's finally starting to feel like home

Brooklyn owns

-I have a new pair of neon Lucien sneakers and I feel pretty cool about it

^Last Thursday night with the girls was one of the funniest nights of life

...TK

Happy Birthday, Lisa!

2008-04-06T21:08:00.000-04:00

I haven't had my laptop for a few days, so I apologize for the lack of promptitude on this one.

Happy Happy Birthday to Lisa Marie Grella!

Lisa completely and totally rocks my world and everyone in the world should love her as much as I do (although that's an impossibility) .

She is the most badass chick around and puts even Kat Von D to shame. Lisa G is also one of the greatest people/friends I have ever encountered in my life. We met when I was in elementary school when she managed my uncle's retail store, and from that moment on she was like a hero/older sister to me. We worked together for four years, and after almost 10 years of knowing each other, we are closer than ever.

Lisa has the most genuine heart I have ever known and there's not a negative thing in the world that I (or anyone else) could ever possibly say about her.

I love you, Lis!

Spring Cleaning

2008-04-02T09:35:00.000-04:00

Hmm. What has my life become when I have succumbed to sitting in the dark, watching 2 full seasons of "The L Word" in bed, & eating laffy taffy and ice cream for 3 DAYS STRAIGHT...?

I think every girl deserves a little time to be depressed; mope around in the same t-shirt and drown in self pity, BUT-- only for a short period of time. My week is up, and I will self pity no more. Time to ascend out of the hole of darkness that I like to call my room.

I usually try to set some sort of goal when a new season starts. Whether that means working out, reading a certain number of books, or simply attempting to be sublimely happy all the time, it usually never works (but a girl's gotta try)..

The weather is starting to warm up and so is my heart. Therefore my goal for SPRING will be to let go of grudges... & forget about the continuing pattern of dissension in my life. Stop hating, stop wanting to kill people, stop living in the past, stop being the exemplification of how angry and desensitized a once mellow and blithe girl can become after being burned so many times. This will probably be my most difficult goal, one that I'm not too sure I can achieve.

Wish me luck.

PS. My other goal in life is to be this girl:

Jennifer Schecter (the character, not Mia Kirshner, the actress)

She's amazing.

Frankly put, If I were a lesbian, I would want to be Jenny.

She is troubled, intense, a brilliant writer, and a total sexpot.

She has trouble with being screwed over, too- I just hope I don't get

as psychotic and bitchy as she becomes. I love you, Jenny.

(this is for Amanda, Gracie, and Jana- my fellow lesbian wannabes)

an ode to maybe

2008-03-31T11:07:00.000-04:00

perhaps, possibly, conceivably, it could be (that), it is possible, for all one knows, undecided, uncertain, unclear, not sure, unresolved, indefinite, unsettling, up in the air, debatable, arguable, dubious, doubtful, ambiguous, ambivalent, on the fence, vacillating, tentative, wavering.

Sex and the City, Episode #47- Let me just have that moment already....

Being Betrayed

2008-03-28T21:39:00.000-04:00

Sucks, doesn't it?

Betrayal seems to be quite a fundamental motif in my life story.

Women can be the most manipulative, classless, pieces of garbage to inhabit the world.

(No worries. Men are dogs, too.)

I may not be perfect (far from it), but I have respect for people and I have class.

That's more than what I can say for many.

As for a certain one(s)...You are sad and pathetic excuses for women.

Have some self respect, it really isn't that arduous a task.

This is for all of you who have ever felt this way.

And if you just so happen to know the person(s) whom I am referencing-

Feel free to pass on my regards.

-Yours Truly

Happy Birthday!

2008-03-24T14:01:00.000-04:00

I promised everyone that I would use "blogspot" to make birthday wishes so that all can feel special. Well here is my first !

HAPPY (belated) BIRTHDAY TO:

AMANDA AGNIESZKA ROTTERMUND!!

She is my homegirl, best friend, and roommate. Recently accepted to study at Oxford University next year, I've never been more proud of her. She will be greatly missed!

Amanda was my first friend in New York (thanks to our mutual man, Max Burns), and we are still as nerdy together today as we were on our first day of school.

Basically, she is the coolest (and only) polish chick I know.

i LOVE you!

Spring Break

2008-03-24T11:08:00.000-04:00

Hello, all! I'm Sorry that I haven't updated for awhile now. I had no idea that so many people would read this silly thing so let me preface this post by saying Thank You for all of the nice comments and messages. My favorite had to have been the statement that I am a "clever chicken" (! thank you, Miss. Coroneo).

Spring Break. What did I accomplish? Not a whole lot (which is more than I could have asked for). While every other normal teen in the world went to Acapulco, Jamaica, The Keys, Bahamas, etc... I went to the most boring, yet charming, place in the world. North Carolina. Living in New York City would make just about anyone run

for the forest away from any civilization or phone service.

To have no iPhone emails to answer for 4 days straight was my dream come true. :)

This place will always be my home. It's my foundation.

Let's see... What else happened over Spring Break? I got to read 3 books and started a new painting. I rode horses every day which I miss more and more as I get older. I slept, I gained about 8 lbs., and I started to redecorate and "prettify" my room.

(did you know that prettify is a real word?)

People always ask me for book recommendations and I know I am always looking for some. I guess I'll give whomever is inquisitive about my 3 Spring Break books a quick review...

The Lucifer Effect, Understanding How Good People Turn Evil

by Philip Zimbardo

Doesn't this title just make you love it already? Zimbardo is an absolute genius and anyone, whether you're interested in psychology or not, will find this book to be thoroughly engrossing and beyond fascinating. The fact that I do, in fact, love psychology (and Zimbardo) made me love it that much more. Come on, who wouldn't want to read about good people gone slutty and mad? I wonder if Larry Craig or Eliot Spitzer helped Zimbardo write this riveting tale...

My French Whore

by Gene Wilder

To be frank, I had to put this book down by the tenth chapter. I plan on finishing it, but as of now I couldn't tell you what the protagonist's name is. I'm sorry, Wilder, but I'm bored to tears. Easily forgettable with far too many pronouns.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

by Jean-Dominique Bauby

The best memoir I've read to date. Poignant, heartbreaking, hopeful, beautiful. Diving Bell tells the story of Bauby suffering with Locked-In Syndrome, paralyzed from head to toe by his invisible "Diving Bell", yet suspended by his spirit of a butterfly. He wrote his memoir by a

translator interpreting the blinks of his left eye, letter for letter. Possibly be the greatest novel I've ever experienced.

As for my new bedroom! I've been in my little Williamsburg cottage for 6 months now, and my room hasn't looked like me at all.

White & beige all around.

I wanted simplicity for the first time in my life.

Well... screw that. Now I want a peacock inspired Pop Art type room....& If my new creation doesn't look like the comfiest/coolest bed you've ever seen in your life, well.....I have nothing to say to you.

viola! I am officially a full blown whack. Draping covering the wall/door behind the bed to come next week.

Honestly, what's wrong with me?

Wishing you all lots of butterflies.

.TK

Thoughts?

2008-03-11T10:55:00.000-04:00

Eliot Spitzer's Formal Apology

Well... lets just be optimistic and hope Spitzer is still endorsing Clinton. ;)

Come on... take a joke.

My first official blog

2008-03-09T15:39:00.001-04:00

Hello! I'm not quite sure why I made one of these accounts in the first place, but I guess this could be fun. :o) After having an old livejournal, deadjournal, xanga, and myspace blog (mostly in my old, pseudo gothic days), I've decided to embark upon this new little blogging adventure. I'm not really sure exactly what I want to do with this thing, or what the appropriate thing to do is.

I've noticed a lot of people use blogger to plug different brands, advertise, share music, and other "favorite things", but quite frankly- no one really gives a shit about my opinion or taste, so I don't think that will be my goal here. I happen to appreciate the narcissistic nature of this whole blog world in the sense that I think it's all very amusing and psychologically intriguing. The thing is, no one really cares about my life and nobody really should. We live in an age where people enjoy talking about themselves and could do so for days...and really, I'm no exception to this rule. People with blogs- please don't get hissy. I'm not trying to "hate", I am now one of you, too.

Conclusion? I have no idea what to do with this thing. People always tell me that they would love to get inside of my head for a day to see what goes on. I suppose I can now use "blogspot" as a means to prove how extremely boring I actually am. SO! If you are one of the maybe 2 people that will actually read this, have a blast. Sit at home, make fun of my ridiculous life and failed endeavors, and feel better about yourself for not being in my situations. On the flip side, maybe you will obsess over my life and I'll end up making a new friend that idolizes me. Then there's even the chance that no one will ever read this besides me, which is just as humorous.

Whatever happens, this could be interesting.

I guess I'll just provide a brief little "about me" in case you don't know me and think I just may be a psychotic, Emily Dickinson type creature on the other side of the screen. I was born and raised in south Florida and went to a strict prep school for most of my life. My father is a Jewish, Irish, French guy from Long Island (yes, an Irish Jew) and my mother is a sweet little Chinese, Hawaiin, semi-Buddhist woman from Honolulu. Unlike so many, I have no internal struggles about who I am in the world and what religious/ethnic group I belong with ("The Real World" would probably never cast me). I'm a mutt and I love my insanely diverse family. So I went through a million different phases as a child/teen. I went as far as nationals to become a horse back rider, became a "gothic", angry, rich kid that had nothing to really complain about, strove to be a musician, attempted to be picasso, took acting classes, became a wannabe, Spanish, "boriqua" (somewhere along that timeline) and got stupid piercings, tried to defy myself and be a complete saint, and then somehow- I ended up here. In New York City, at Parsons School of Design, studying fashion and working for a famous designer. I wish I could have a sob story about longing to be a designer for my entire life, hindered by some sort of financial or emotional crisis, but I don't. I didn't want to be a fashion designer growing up. I was actually the worst dressed child on the face of the planet and couldn't care less about designer brands. But then this all just happened, and it's something I'm actually pretty good at. I'm now living in Williamsburg, and have more peace of mind than probably... ever. But the good news for you, reader, is that my issues and movie-like situations will probably never end- and therefore, you can have a new, secret, online, guilty pleasure... besides perez hilton.